Does this sound familiar to you? “Wow, my childhood was a lot more messed up than I realized!”
This realization has become all too common for many of us as we march on through life. If your parents, friends, or family members were abusive, wrapping your mind around your traumatic experiences growing up can be difficult. Learning hard lessons from childhood, or taking note of how poorly you were treated and seen by others growing up, can leave an exceedingly significant impactful. Society has recently started to become aware of the protections needed for children to be safe in the world, to be treated well, and to be taught to be emotionally intelligent with their feelings. However, it wasn’t always as clear as it is today, and even though there is currently more awareness of what should count as abusive, our society’s present standards cannot erase the things that take place behind closed doors, leaving scars of trauma in many an adult from their formative years.
While today’s adults catch up to the collective aftershock of their childhood pain, and work to prevent its spread to the next generation, the question may be raised is, “Does my childhood pain intrude on my present life?”
Signs of Childhood Pain Carrying Into Adulthood and Steps Toward Healing
There are many ways that one’s uncomfortable, painful, or traumatic childhood experiences can continue to negatively affect their current quality of life, even with decades between the events of that trauma and the present day. Signs of this childhood pain intruding on one’s life might look like:
· Difficulty Communicating: You feel that your communication and relationships with others are lacking due to it being difficult to trust other people, properly vocalize your feelings, or get out of your own head long enough to focus on the world around you, all thanks to things that other people have said or done to you in your past. Choose safe, encouraging people to confide in, and practice your vulnerability in the safe spaces the two of you share.
· Lacking Self-Confidence: You see yourself as never being good enough. Your view of yourself and your ability to accomplish tasks is damaged by something that others projected onto you from a young age. Whether job interviews, first dates, or social gatherings, your gut reaction to approaching these events is to assume you are unable to approach or handle them without failing. Look for the things that you have accomplished to dispute the lies of your past trauma’s impact.
· Craving Escapism: In the face of trouble or adversity in your life, you are quick to seek out an escape, whether mentally or physically, which might look like leaving a room, frequently watching movies or television, reading books, or going for walks, runs, or drives to get away from it all. Hiding away from things can be helpful at times, but if done too often, you can miss out on many things that make life in the present worth living.
· Quick Defenses/Quick Offensive: In times of frustration, anxiety, and trouble (or perceived trouble) in your life, you might be quick to defend yourself, utilizing coping mechanisms such as the previously mentioned “escapes,” shutting out people around you, or even going on the offensive, lashing out at whomever or whatever caused you this problem, whether verbally or physically. Recognizing these experiences as past trauma can help you to gain power in the present.
· Flashbacks: Your thoughts return to particularly traumatic moments from your past, sometimes in great detail, after experiencing specific sensory triggers. These flashbacks can obstruct your thought process and throw your emotions through the ringer. Flashbacks can also be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). To read more about flashbacks, you can visit this post. Therapy can help.
· Self-Damaging Thoughts and Behaviors: Your self-talk comes from what you have been conditioned to think, unless you intentionally reflect and choose how you will view something now. Notice what you say to yourself, and if it isn’t positive, it may not be completely true!
Remember, many of the effects stemming from childhood pain are biologically present to help you understand, heal, and handle your past and present experiences. Most importantly, your system is trying to keep you safe from such things ever happening to you again. Seeking escapes and putting up defenses are natural coping mechanisms for preventing traumatic experiences from happening again. However, negative effects such as self-damaging behaviors, lacking self-confidence, and difficulty communicating can all stem from these past experiences as negative takeaways into your present life. However, you do not have to live with these intrusions…
If you are suffering from the effects of childhood trauma, such as depression, stress, and anxiety, Omaha Trauma Therapy is here to help! EMDR and Brainspotting therapy techniques are our specialty. We want to provide you with a holistic approach to overcome your trauma. Contact us.